Emotional wreck

Dropping the boys back and driving away still breaks my heart. When they cling to me and tell me how much they miss me I never want to let them go. Then I feel guilty and question again whether I did the right thing. The loss associated with not seeing them and not getting to tuck them in each night is horrible and as the tears come part of me remembers just how bad it was; just how abusive it was; the year of therapy to stop thinking I deserved it. Rather than feeling guilty I should be feeling angry that I’m here but somehow never manage it.